We've all been pretty drunk, right?

But, have you ever been so drunk that you mistook a refrigerator for a toilet? I'll assume you responded with an emphatic "No!", maybe even "Hell No!".

This past Friday was Spyder's birthday. If you know anything about Spyder, then you know that that means my house was full of drunk/high wrestlers. Because they all had a show that night, the festivities didn't even get started until about 1:00. Anyway, after going through a half gallon of Southern Comfort and putting a good dent on a fifth of Crown Royal, someone comes running into the room - "Oh my god you guys **** is pissing in the refrigerator!" By this time, it was nearly 9:00 in the morning; a few of the less hardcore people and non-drinkers had already called it a night.

So, those of us who were still up and at it rushed to the kitchen to see for ourselves. Sure enough, there he was....pants around his ankles, sitting in my refrigerator....right there on the cold glass shelf, just pissing away on the kitchen floor. Had I been a little less drunk or a little more drunk, I'd have been livid. Luckily, I was at the right stage of drunken stupor where I had enough sense to call it a night myself and let Spyder deal with the situation.

As it was told to me the next morning, Spyder sobered the guy up (how exactly I'm not sure...but I suppose pointing out to the guy that he just used a fridge for a toilet would sober him up pretty quickly). Anyway, Spyder got him into the shower and when he was finished, he cleaned up his own mess. Now, this is where the story gets even better.

He then proceeded to find a couch and lie down. No problem, right? He's calling it a night and gonna sleep it off...almost. Before lying down, he went ahead and disrobed, down to just a tee shirt and then climbed onto the couch and apparently attempted to cuddle with Tank, another wrestler. As you might guess, they call him Tank for a reason. He's a big ass dude. I never heard exactly what happened...perhaps they spooned peacefully for the remainder of the morning, I don't know.

What I do know is that both of these occurences were caught on video and I definitely need to get a copy of that.

If anyone reading this (or knows of anyone else who has) done something this stupid while drunk, please leave the story in the comment section. Feel free to keep it anonymous.

The Greatest Puzzle Ever

So about a month ago, I came across this find while at my parents' house. Needless to say, Spyder was absolutely exstatic when I brought it home. It lay around the house for a few days while our excitement bubbled over. Once we could no longer contain our excitement, we settled in at the table and got down to business.

Every thing was going great, we had several pieces of the money put together and nearly all of the border completed. Alas, we were missing an all important corner piece!! We searched and searched through the box to find the elusive corner, but to no avail.


We went to bed that night feeling quite dejected as you might imagine. Life just ain't fair!

Well, I was over at my parents' house again today. Can you guess what I found? No, not an identical puzzle or the missing corner piece; that would prove that life is indeed fair (and then the whole world might just end).

What I did find was a companion puzzle! Can you imagine my excitement?!? Who knows if this one will prove to have all of the pieces, but we've got a second chance at puzzle glory and I don't know if I can wait until next Friday when Spyder gets home.

Next Friday just happens to be his birthday, can you imagine a better birthday present than this? I only hope that all of the pieces are present and accounted for.

Wish us luck. I'll let you know how it turns out.

Well, I didn’t win the lottery…again.

To my complete and utter surprise, I woke up this morning just as poor as when I went to bed last night.  That’s right; I continued my losing Powerball record for yet another week.  I’m not sure how much longer I can maintain this streak.  It’s gone on so long now that I’m beginning to think I may never win the jackpot…nah, my time’ll come.  Of course when it does, It’ll be just like in Bruce Almighty when half a million people have the winning numbers.

What's up with men wearing visors?

The last two days, I have walked in to my work and my boss was standing there with a visor on his head, looking as if he didn’t know any better.

I always thought that it was an unwritten rule that men are not to wear visors except in special circumstances as listed below:

1. Playing Tennis


2. Playing Golf


3. Playing Poker – (Must be a green, plastic visor)

And as with other rules, it can be broken if by breaking it you have a 75% chance or better of getting laid that night.

If you know of any other visor-exceptions, please post them in the comment section.

50 Ways to Leave Your Lover

Okay, so I was on my way to work a few days ago and 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover by Paul Simon came on the radio.  I’m a huge Paul Simon fan, so of course I listened to the song.  As I was listening, a thought occurred to me…what are the 50 Ways?  He mentions several, but nowhere close to 50.  Here are those that he mentions:

You just slip out the back, JackMake a new plan, StanYou don’t need to be coy, RoyJust get yourself freeHop on the bus, GusYou don’t need to discuss muchJust drop off the key, LeeAnd get yourself free

So, by my count there are 5 ways to leave your lover.  I’ve got a couple to add:

Just pack up your stuff, Duff
Screw her sister Kim, Jim

If anyone out there knows of any other ways, please feel free to add them in the comments section.

If you're like me, you've been thinking about Stanley Kahn lately and wondering if he's still around and what he's up to.

For anyone who doesn't know, Spyder, my roommate - the guy that's squatting in my garage that is - is a professional wrestler. Last Saturday he had a wrestling show at the convention center. Now, at the time none of us could figure out what was going on at the convention center that weekend and why there would be a wrestling show there.

Well, as it happened, or as it was meant to happen, there was no convention. Rather, the main ballroom of the convention center had been rented out for a Bar Mitzvah. Whose, you ask? Well, non other than Stanley Kahn's son, Marc. Anyone who lived in Indianapolis in the eighties no doubt remembers his accident & injury attorney commercials and his huge Jewfro. Apparently, Stanley Kahn brought in a ton of big name wrestlers and Spyder for a big royal rumble match.

Now, I'm not a wrestling fan so these names mean shit to me, but Jeff Jarrett and Abyss were among the wrestlers there. To top that off, all of the WWF (I refuse to call it the WWE; just as it will be the Hoosier Dome, even after they blow it up)...anyway all the wrestlers from the WWF sent the damned kid a videotaped birthday greeting.

Stanley Kahn still has the Jewfro, but according to Spyder has put on some weight and has grey hair now. Apparently Spyder is now available for bar mitzvahs, birthday parties and weddings. See his website for further details.

I'd like to introduce everyone to Kilgore, my new armadillo. The cat's don't seem nearly as freaked out about him as they did when Spyder first brought his dog, Clark, home. But, then again, Kilgore is stuffed and only about eight inches tall as opposed to Clark who is huge and likes to chase the cats.